I have been married before. Not just once before, but twice. If you no longer want to follow my work I get it, but stick with me a minute and read what I have to say about it.
I have always been a believer in marriage, as God intended, between one man and one woman for life. Without going into a huge backstory (which is coming soon actually in an extended post about my reversion to faith,) I had it really rough growing up. When I was 20 I married a man I shouldn’t have married. Three times I attempted to leave him and was always drawn back in because I had nowhere else to go. The details of that relationship aren’t important here for reasons that will be revealed in my conversion story. I left him after three years of marriage. We divorced a year after that. We had one daughter.
A year after I was divorced officially, I was remarried to a high school boyfriend. This high school boyfriend had a bad temper in high school as evidenced by the hole he punched in a wall the last time I saw him as teenagers. We got married after I became pregnant. We had two children and I lost one baby after a push down some stairs. I left him at age 30 after four years of his constant alcohol and drug abuse, porn use and abuse, cheating, and physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. A year later he was arrested on domestic violence charges when his stalking and harassment came to a head and he tried to break into my home.
Single and with three children and one dead baby at 12 weeks gestation, my life did not pan out how I had hoped, or in the way I had always believed it ought to. I sought therapy and grew out of the experiences. I turned into a more capable woman and a better mother than I ever was before because I was no longer held down by abuse or by the weight of a childhood that lead me into seeking out men who would not love me as Christ loves the Church.
In this country we have seen a dramatic increase in divorce since 1960. Let’s take a brief look at some events that correlate.
-1900-Approx 1940 the divorce rate moved around between 8-20%
-From about 1940-1960 the divorce rate was between 20-30% with three notable spikes from 1945-47 that went above 30% and even up to 43%
-In 1960 the divorce rate was 22% moving up to 25% in 1965 when the birth control pill was approved for married couples. The birthrate in those years went from 23.7% to 19.4% respectively.
-In 1970 the tide of No Fault Divorce began in California. The birth rate in the US at the time was 18.4%, the divorce rate was 35%.
-In 1973 Roe v Wade came down like a hammer on human life. The divorce rate was at 43% and the birth rate down to 14.9%. (Since then we know that over 60 Million babies have been aborted. Already this year Planned Parenthood has seen to the deaths of over 245k more.)
-In 1980 we hit a high in the divorce rate at 52% and the birth rate went up only slightly to 15.9%.
-Today’s birth rate is 12% in the US and on a steady and dramatic decline worldwide. The divorce rate in the US is crudely at 50% and the 6th highest in the world.
-Political affiliation: Conservatives have a 28% divorce rate, Liberals are at 37%, and moderates are at 33%
-Religious people, Catholics in particular, followed closely by Evangelicals, are less likely to divorce than non-religious people (26%, 28%, and 38% respectively.)
-Cohabiting before marriage gives couples a 40% chance of divorcing as does the number of sexual partners one has before marriage (this number varies between men and women and stats can be found on google if you are interested.)
-Women are more likely to file than men.
-Pornography use and addiction has been cited as a reason in 56% of divorces.
-Alcohol abuse by one partners is a big risk factor at right around 60%. Some studies even breakdown likelihood based on liters of alcohol consumed in a year!
-Divorce risks double when the wife is the main wage earner EVEN WHEN HOUSEHOLD TASKS ARE MANAGED BY THE HUSBAND FULLY.
We can very clearly see some contributing factors since the 1960s, the beginning of the sexual revolution and where we are at today with our lax views on marriage as a culture. Marriage is directly tied to birth rates and that is one very plain fact. Our divorce rates and cohabitation rates keep going up and our birth rates keep going down. The problem is that we are not marrying and we are preventing our marriages from bearing fruit. We are emasculating men and masculinizing women. Women are not the primary daily caregivers for their children. Children are being shipped off to daycare and then public school. Men are stay at home dads. Families are not eating dinner together. Children are going unparented and forgotten in the backseat of hot cars. Porn use and buying sex are at an all time high. Feminism has run amok, MRAs have run amok and both are two sides of the same coin. Biological denial is running rampant, and children are being chemically sterilized with puberty blockers if they haven’t already been aborted.
“Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it” Gen 1:28
One notable warning that the world received in 1968 came from Pope Paul VI in his very short encyclical, Humanae Vitae. In it he predicted what would happen as fallout from the supposed Sexual Revolution and the introduction of hormonal birth control pills. In it he states very plainly that men will begin to use women as objects, pornography will become a problem, and marital fidelity will go away. If you haven’t read it, even if you are not a Catholic, I would encourage you to do such. It’s really eye opening and almost prophetic how accurate Pope Paul VI was in this short and concise writing on marriage and the marital act.
After two abusive marriages, I was not looking for a husband. It was the furthest thing from my mind. I also thought no one would really be interested in a 31 year old divorcee with three children. I was very wrong and God had other plans. He set them in motion in August 2011 when my husband Travis and I came to be a couple. Since 2011 our life together has had ups and downs but always solid commitment. That commitment became solid as a rock in the last few years as God brought us where I never expected. I am now joyfully back in the Catholic Church and my husband became a Catholic just this past Easter. He even got to hold the bowl for our children who were also baptised at the same time. We are faithfully waiting out the annulment process per the Code of Canon Law regarding my past marriages. We are presently abstaining because we believe in the marital act as both procreative and unitive, and per Church Law, we are not married. We are prayerful and dedicated to this process because we are dedicated to God, to His Church, to our family, and to our marriage. We are both healthy in body, mind, and spirit. We have embraced our traditional roles as husband and wife.Prior to coming back into the Church and his baptism, we have procreated beautifully and have a tally thus far of seven living children and three in heaven. I have no doubt that God wants us to make more babies, and so we wait. While we wait we will be faithful to God and to each other and we will defy the odds.
I encourage you to defy them too. We can all turn this Titanic around, it just takes God, getting married, staying married, and having babies. Women are unhappy. Men are unhappy. Our happiness indices continue to decline along with our birth rates and marriages. I’m no rocket surgeon, but it seems to me that Pope Paul VI was right about a lot and even a modicum of traditionalism might be a boon to society. Marriage is, after all, the foundation of society, and the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world. So let’s get married. Let’s have babies… lots of babies. Let’s breastfeed them and love them and love our husbands and wives and let our children see the healthy love between men and women. We can restore the bedrock of society by making one family at a time.